Hello.
I'm Darlin, Mary's husband. That was her name, Mary, and she was my wife for almost 13 years. Like all married folks we loved each other and sometimes hated each other, often at the same time. But it was all good. In the end we had each others' back in all things, personal, domestic, and spiritual.
Mary's decline started in late April 2004, and frightened everyone with its rapid rate. By mid-May she spent more time sleeping than awake; she withdrew from life and those around her. The hospice people assured me it was normal and not to be alarmed.
I last spoke with her Sunday, a day or so before she died. She had a burst of energy that let us laugh and share assurances that we were okay and that we loved each other. I went to sleep that night holding her hand.
Tuesday morning I awoke to the sound of her labored breathing next to me in bed. I leaned in close, held her shaking body, and whispered reassurances to her as I wept. At 6:50 EDT on May 18th, 2004 she exhaled one final time and lay still. Still, I held her.
Later I brought my daughter in to say goodbye to Mommy. Clinging tightly to me, her four-year-old fists clutching my robe, she soberly looked at the tired form on the bed for a full minute. Then she looked away and whispered that she wanted to go. She knew. We've talked about Mommy and she has a surprisingly good understanding of what happened. I know there will be bad times ahead, but am confident she KNOWS she will be fiercely loved and taken care of.
Mary loved life. She found magic in small daily miracles, especially near the end. Her strength sustained us -- SHE comforted US in the darkness, oftentimes making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Unlike many folks separated by death, we had the blessed opportunity to say our goodbyes and say them well. She cleaned up after herself, even writing out explicit instructions for her memorial services so that loved ones would not stress needlessly over "what would Mary want?"
She even got to take her daughter to Disney World in April, an amazing event that should not have been possible, but was.
Anyway, I write this account for those of you left wondering about One_In_Eight. It's not my intent to maintain her blog; I just felt you all deserved closure.
I've read every word she wrote, and been constantly amazed at her strength, wisdom, terrifying bluntness, and love for those around her. She was no saint, but she most certainly was an amazing human being and the most profound influence on my adult life.
I love you Mary.
Missing you dreadfully.
Wish you were here.
Love,
David | 